I am not weak…
Posted by: nazias on: November 23, 2009
I get a feeling a lot of people think I’m weak because I’m passive, and non-confrontational.
Only recently the label has been bothering me because I find that alot of people try to take advantage of it or think I have no backbone just because I don’t fight back on certain aspects.
I can tell you clearly that I am not weak, quite the opposite actually. I just don’t care about many things as others do in this world. And to me, if someone things I’m stupid, or ugly, I don’t care enough to fight back with them. Which is very different than being scared to fight back.
I have always been extremely rational when dealing with people and I believe in civilized mannerisms. So when my co-workers make racial comments around me, I don’t start cursing them out. I listen quietly and ignore those people completely in the future. Ignoring as in, I have the ability to pretend a person does not exist in my view if I want them not to. Because my view is, I can fight them, and cause a scene, and at the end it will never do much, because people who are racist and biased, will never change their mind because you told them to. So why bother? Waste of my energy if you ask me. many people think it makes me a sap to take everything in and not fight back, to me, it just makes me indifferent. I actually have no tolerance for this type of stuff, and if someone offends me, chances are, I can pretend they are dead for a long time without feeling one ounce of regret.
I honestly just don’t like wasting my energy on yelling matches with people. If you don’t like someone, limit your communication with them and find someone else to talk to.
At work, in meetings, I find some people so classless, who yell and scream just to get their way. To move up, to become the lead in projects etc. this past year, i was the lead in numerous recs, and it was all because of my work. the energy these others spend on being aggressive and confrontational, I use my energy towards my work, and at the end, we end up in the same level of responsibility. Some do it by force, i do it by my work ethics.
So basically my point is, just because I’m not fighting back towards the crap that surrounds me most of the time, doesn’t mean I don’t mind it, don’t notice it or will not take a course of action I just do it my own way. To me, fighting aggressively with someone who is aggressive just brings me down to their level, and I refuse to stoop to their level because it means I am bringing myself down to be like them. I know who I am, I don’t change myself for anyone.
Protected: The Forgotten Child…
Posted by: nazias on: November 22, 2009
- In: Realizations
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A Lose-Lose For The Decent Girls
Posted by: nazias on: October 26, 2009
I’m starting to feel very bad for the decent girls in Canada who are from South Asian backgrounds.
It seems to me that being decent doesn’t pay off at all for the girls here. This thought arrived in my head after seeing several good decent single girls who are having trouble finding a decent guy. The problem seems to be that they are losing all the men to either slutty girls or girls from back home.
You lose the decent men to the slutty girls because
1) they put out
2)these girls have alot more “fun” partying and clubbing
3)they’re alot sexier, they dress more provocative and often grab your attention first.
Then there’s the girls back home. You can be as decent as you want here, it’s hard to compete with the girls back home who have more of the traditional values that a South Asian man expects, and the girls here just can’t compete, since we are “too modern”.
Basically, I feel very bad that when a girl remains decent here she has such a hard time finding a guy. In the old days it was the girls who slept around who had a harder time getting married, but nowadays I find most single girls are just the normal girls. Maybe they’ve dated a few guys, but it seems that the rumour of dating one guy seriously is more harmful than sleeping with a different guy every month. And guys who would want a decent girl will just opt out to find a girl back home.
I don’t really have alot of arguments for this because I end up thinking that it’s the guys fault as well for wanting either extremely slutty or the the virginal girl. To me it just seems silly that nice girls are losing out because they’re either not agressive enough or they’re not docile enough. I grew up here, and I dated my husband a long time before we got married, so it just makes me wonder what would’ve happened if it didn’t work out, and I was one of the single girls looking for a guy. I know I would never be able to go clubbing everynight to find a guy, and I would definitly be rejected by the guys who want a docile girl….
just something in the back of my head….
Updates on my Life…
Posted by: nazias on: October 22, 2009
What I have been up to lately….
It’s been a while since my last post, and the reason is, working full time, while going to school at night, and trying to have a life with friends and family is like having 2 fulltime jobs!
It hasn’t helped that my work is ridiculously busy due to fiscal year end. So I’ll summarize the latest happenings of my life.
I’ve gone Veggie:
From a complete Carnivore who lived on all things meat, I have gone vegetarian in the past month. It’s not a diet thing or a religious thing, I simply have become repulsed by meat after reading about slaughterhouses. I am still transitioning, so still eating seafood 2 times a week, but eventually hope to give it up. Eggs is the only thing I don’t think I can give up simply because I bake a lot, and it would just be hard to always look for egg free products. But at least Bessy the cow is now safe from me 
The Shopping Factor: (Rant alert)
I’m getting a little peeved at people (including the hubby) who constantly feel the need to comment on my shopping habits. Yes, I love shopping! While other girls spend money (theirs or their significant others) on clubbing, fine dining, manicures, pedicures, traveling, sports or whatever, I spend mine on….shopping! God willing, me and my husband are well off. We worked our butts off to get a Comp Sci degree and we still work almost 9-10 hour days to keep earning a good living. I do have expensive habits, and I have never depended on anyone else to provide for my expensive habits but myself. Shopping is my thing…I like clothes, shoes, bags…and I am just tired of justifying it, cause honestly I don’t need to. When you earn money, I will not criticize you for going to a restaurant that costs 200 for a dinner for two. Frankly, I wouldn’t do a dinner like that unless it’s my yearly anniversary, but I will take that money and spend it on a Burberry scarf which will keep me warm for years. My husband spend 40 dollars every time he goes golfing, and he spends lots more to play hockey and soccer, I do none of that… yet people look at those type of spending as something positive and put a negative twist to my shopping habits. When I didn’t have the extra money, I didn’t buy designer bags or clothes, I only did when I was able to afford it, so if you think brand name stuff is a waste of money…it’s your opinion…you can spend it on whatever else you enjoy spending your hard earned dollars on
At the end, it comes down to the same thing, spending money you earn to make yourself happy, while others spend it on touring the world or whatever they enjoy, I enjoy buying things. Playing golf every week will not make me happy, looking at my 50 pairs of shoes and having the option to wearing one that matches my shirt DOES make me happy. And you know what? I’ve earned it.
The Parents:
As much as I have complained about my parents, now that they are officially moving back to BD, I feel a bit bad. Sometimes I forget how old my parents have really become over the years and I argue with them as if they are still in their 40’s. But they’re not, and I’ve been feeling this uneasiness about them not being here annoying me everyday of my life.
The Obsessive Girls and The Sappy Boys
So I have this guy friend. There’s this one girl OBSESSED with him. He’s a bit of a softy and he always gives in. She’s pushy sexually, as in she throws herself at him and takes off her clothes. Then she constantly showers him with gifts. He has told her many times, he likes her, but he doesn’t see a future, but she just doesn’t get it and thinks if she sleeps with him enough, he will come around. It’s been 10 months of this crap. So my friend, who is tired of being single, finally goes, maybe I should just make her my gf, she really loves me and does a lot for me, and even though my gut feeling says I’m settling, I feel bad.
Now seriously: why would any girl consistently lower herself just to get a guy to go out with her? Have you no pride? Self-respect? Shame? I mean he’s told you numerous times, he’s not sure you are right for him, yet you take off your clothes and think you will become his ideal through sex?
I actually had a talk with this girl once about why she still sticks around, she goes it worked with her ex boyfriend, who took a year to come around. she even has the ex-bfs name tattooed) I asked her what happened there, she replies that he cheated on her! DING DING DING! You’d think that would put some sense into her, but no.
Then the sappy friend. The phrase, “Be a man, do the right thing” keeps popping into my head. You don’t want her, you think she’s a consolation prize, then why the hell are you thinking of dating her? So what if she likes you a lot? I had many guys who liked me, but if I didn’t like them, I didn’t date them. Jeez…be a man about it…move on and find someone else. Stop dating her and checking out every cute girl who’s your type at the mall! Do one, don’t do both! MEN!
That’s about it for today! Hopefully I’ll be posting something again without such a long break!
Online Dating is Tough
Posted by: nazias on: September 23, 2009
- In: friends
- 2 Comments
A good friend of mine is trying to find someone in the matchmaking sites. Unfortunately online matchmaking is not as easy as it used to be.
He’s a goodlooking guy, good job, great fashion sense, and he is a gentleman to the core (he opens doors for me!!) But he keeps attracting party girls and wanted someone professional.
A recent conversation I had with him after he told about his date with one girl he met on a dating site:
Me:she’s hot, big boobs and all, why do you want to stop seeing her?
Friend:she’s got a temper, she tripped on a kids tricycle while jogging and got pissed off and threw it into the yard
Me: that’s not really bad, just funny
Friend: her brothers in jail
Me: omg, for what?
Friend: trying to kill her
Me: WHAT?
Friend: yeah, he tried to burn the house down and she sent him to jail
The Logical and Emotional Man
Posted by: nazias on: August 31, 2009
I am a very emotional person in general. I often wear my heart on my sleeve and it ends up getting trampled on a lot. The same goes on the other end too, if I have taken my heart away from someone, chances are it’s never going to warm up to them again. It would take a lot of time and effort and often me and the other party find that life is too short.
So here’s the thing, if you’re all logic and practical, chances are I won’t see eye to eye with you.
Because in my eyes, you will appear cold and talking to you would be like talking to my manager, where for every conflict resolution, I will have to bring a excel spreadsheet of events and justifications to make my case. Because I will have to prove my case to you like a lawyer to come to a compromise.
To me,empathy is a huge thing. I find that it is not so with the logical beings.
I feel a lot more for someone who tells me that I’ve hurt them than someone who says I have disrespected them.
Why? Hurting someone has to do with the emotions of love and care, the word disrespect has to do with pride and ego. Emotional people will say I have hurt them, logical people will say I have disrespected them. And guess which one I will feel for more?
In my world, sometimes I wouldn’t even need a reason to forgive someone, to forget the past, to move on. Emotions are such a powerful thing that just seeing someone I love in pain can be enough to forget all past wrongs, because of my love for them. I have done it before many many times. But people who are all logical cannot accept that. They would need a formal apology and resolution so they can close the case and move on.
I find Logical and Practical people are often very concerned with whether they are respected more than if they are loved, often not realizing, love and respect go hand in hand. To be respected the way you want to be, the other has to love you first, but they often just expect to get it without earning that love first.
I came across someone like that recently and all I can say is, I love my husband. My husband is not all emotional like me, where emotions effect everything but he is this fine balance of both.
It is a cold day outside. I see a homeless person sitting on the sidewalk. I take out my wallet. My logical husband stops me.
Husband: You know they spend the money on booze anyways, why do you bother? If they wanted help, they can get it, this is Canada.
Me: It’s freezing outside, I would like to think that I was able to buy him a warm cup of coffee. If he goes and buys booze, it’s his prerogative. But in my eyes, I am giving a cup of coffee to a man who is sitting outside in this freezing weather
He hugs me and says, this is why I love you, and drops the change in the guys cup on our behalf.
I am extremely lucky, my husband is a very good balance of logic and emotion. With my family, with me, with my friends, he uses his love for me as a base, and builds on it to earn their respect. I’ve often found myself not appreciate my husband as much as I should, because I’ve been with him so long, I often forget how good of a husband he is to me. It is when I see others in action, I truly start appreciating what I already have.
My Once in a Blue Moon Ramblings
Posted by: nazias on: August 25, 2009
I have decided (as you can see from my track record) to be a once in a blue moon blogger. Simply because with school + work + family, life’s busy busy busy (not in a fun way!).
Recent Happenings in my life…
- Still having trouble accepting the illogical amount of love my parents have for my brother simply because he is a SON.
Example: Recent conversation with mom:
Mom: Grab a few shirts from Bay for your dad this weekend.
Me: I’m busy this weekend. Why don’t you ask brother, he has weekends off as well.
Mom: He plays games all night and sleeps during the day, I feel bad waking him up to ask him to go to the mall.
Me: Are you serious?
Mom: Why, do you feel burdened that I asked you to do this much for your father?
- Still working with the Moron of the century who messed up my quarter end run by stupidity not once, but THREE times in the span of 4 hours.
Example: We have to use the latest data, he tries to run the process with a week old data(the file name has the freaking date on it, how do you mistake something 5 days old for today’s date?). It wouldn’t have been that bad if it wasn’t a friggin Saturday and we’ve been up since 7am, and I had a party to get to at night.
- Am shocked and disgusted with Asutosh Gowarikar and Jaya Bacchan’s behavior at Filmfare. Just because you think your movie/your daughter in law did a good job in Jodha Akbar does not mean she has to win Best Actress. It’s the worst case of sour grapes I have seen in ages in Bollywood.
- Recently watched Good Movies: Kaminey, Who Lamhe, Fashion, District 9
- Recently watched Bad Movies: Bruno, Raaz 2
-Going to Bangladesh is a pain in the ass when you have in-laws and your own family.
Because…
-Every day/hour is a competition
-Gifts is a competition
-Golf is a very expensive hobby!
- Low Carb Diet + Ramadan does not go well together.
- Have the worst lower back pain in years, the chiropractor tells me to get into shape!
- My cutest friend got married and for the first time I cried at a wedding (other than my own!).
- UofT St George students are still as snobby and competitive as I remember them. Nice to see some things don’t change!
- I have discovered Marciano, Zara and BCBG…feel sorry for my husband!
Cuba Trip
Posted by: nazias on: June 3, 2009
All the people who have me on FB already have been bombarded with my Cuba pics, so I decided I’ll share my Cuba experience in words here.
I went to Varadero for a week last week with a few close friends. One of the best vacations of my life. We stayed at a very nice resort called Iberostar Varadero, if you’re planning Cuba, do go there!
The Good stuff
- The beach was amazing! Cuba water was much better than Dominican in my opinion, warmer, clearer and overall just breathtaking.
- The maid/waitress service, they were friendly, prompt and did go above and beyond!
- Excursions, lots and lots of excursions to choose from, it will appeal to the traveler who want to see the old towns to the people who want to enjoy water sports. We rode a jet ski, which is something we always wanted to do but it was banned in Dominican.
- Weather. We went at the beginning of rain season, and would get 5 minutes of it everyday but it was the best thing ever because it would stay partly cloudy in the afternoons, so the ridiculously hot sun wouldn’t burn us constantly.
- The papaya…You have not had papaya if you do not have it in Cuba, because I swear it tastes perfect…it’s firm, and really sweet…I had it every meal, every day…
- Scooter/Vespa ride, we rented a scooter and went to the mall, best ride ever, especially because on the drive you had the ocean on one side of the road….simply unbeatable.
- Catamaran ride, Cuba is not complete without a catamaran ride…the ocean breeze, the snorkeling…sigh…. Fun fun fun
- Finding real starfish in the ocean floor (mommy and baby)
- Finally, a trip like this really lets you get to know your friends… a road trip adds in extra stress of driving, camping adds in task of cooking food etc. over there it’s pure relaxation, and just chatting about fun stuff…I swear we spent hours in the pool/ocean just joking around…I truly do love my friends!
Some memorable quotes,
“Even Shit floats”, after a 2 hour convo regarding not being able to float in water.
“Gayness is celebrated whoriness isn’t” my big argument with S about him calling every metro guy gay and me calling skanky girls whores, and how it’s the same thing (he argued its different)
“I don’t like it deep, just in my mouth” S’s comment after smoking his first Cigar, he realized the double meaning after he said it
There were many many more and I swear sometimes we almost drowned cause we laughed so much.
The Gripes
- Food food food….we stayed at a 5 star resort, and the food was not even close to the Dominican 5 star we stayed at. The a la carte restaurants were okay, we did have lobster twice, the buffet got repetitive for lunch… but I understand that because of the sanctions trading is limited…and I was warned about this before….also if you only eat halal, prepare to live in hell…cause I wasn’t very impressed with the seafood, kind of found the fish dishes fishy smelling(that’s the only way I can explain it, but I think you guys know what I mean), and the veggies dishes were meh..except they did make amazing brussel sprouts! I practically lived on their roast beef!
- The tipping thing… I am a good tipper… don’t have any issues with it, and we always make sure to take enough to tip all but in Cuba they kept on repeatedly reminding us to tip! Like sometimes they would tell you how much to tip… I know they are poor, Dominican was poor too, but I never felt like I was coerced into tipping…found it a little uncomfortable..
- The currency thing… they really rip you off over there, 1 Convertible Peso costs you 1.25 Canadian…and it really is this made up money that you can’t use/exchange anywhere else…. A total rip off
And just general Whining
I’m back so tanned that 95% of my clothes don’t suit me anymore, since I wear a lot of bright reds/pinks/greens/yellows! I have to stick to more neutral and earthy tones for the next little while (sucks that its summer though). Still haven’t shown my new face to mom or mother-in-law, they are bound to freak (again)
And my contacts now look a bit off, I wear the grey contacts which looks good normally, but now looks like I’m trying too hard. And what makes it worse is in the past 3 days I’ve been asked 5 times if they are my real color, or hear someone say, “I didn’t know you wore colored contacts”, while before the contacts blended in more, now it just stands out…. If I didn’t have 10 more pairs of this color, I would’ve opted for hazel or green for the next 3 months!
Overall a great week, great memories, and hoping we can do it again
The Scare Tactic
Posted by: nazias on: June 2, 2009
I am not very religious when it comes to practicing. I eat non halal food, I wear skirts all the time, and I usually don’t pray 5 times a day. I have always been more spiritual, and I’ll be honest, the times I do feel closest to god is when I pray and when I fast, and I feel bad that I don’t always do it, and one day I do hope to do them regularly.
So that being said, here is what irks me about Muslim people in general, or at least in my culture…especially elders.
I keep noticing a pattern of associating Islam with threats.
For example, I went over to my moms house, and I was wearing a skirt, a knee length pencil skirt. I am by no means a skanky dresser, I believe in sexy not sleazy. My boobs never hang out, nor will u ever see me in hot pants at your local grocery store. Nonetheless I wear a lot of skirts, capris etc. My mom starts lecturing me on the wraths of hell I will face and that god is watching, and how being shameless will take me to hell etc.
And this is not the case with just me, I constantly hear similar arguments about everything, if you don’t do this in Islam you will burn in hell, and then people go into descriptions of the punishment you will receive.
See I’m an optimist. I don’t like hearing these things and scare tactics often do the opposite for me. Because I end up saying, if I am a good person and don’t hurt people, but I wear skirts, is that worse than someone who is covered up yet purposely causes people harm with gossip, lies and hurtful words?
I’d like to believe that my god sees everything, he knows how I think, how I feel about things, and that he understands me on a deeper level than anyone else, and that he will forgive my smaller sins by looking at the good things I have done, is that wrong?
Is it wrong to want to have a relationship with god that is not rooted with fear? I want the main reason for me to believe in god is because I love him and believe in him than do it out of fear. On the note of fear, I do fear god, when I am on a plane, I pray to him and I say that I know he has the power to crash the plane but I also say that I know he won’t do it because there are good people on that plane.
I would much rather prefer people preaching things on a more positive note, like saying, yes it is against our religion to do this, think it through, if you feel you have done something wrong, ask for forgiveness, and god will forgive you.
Or hearing more about being a good person is worth something in our religion, rather than hearing about how god will punish a man for wearing gold by burning his neck with rings of fire.
Has scare tactics really become the only way people now educate each other in Islam?
Drama Queens
Posted by: nazias on: May 21, 2009
Drama Queens
I always thought Bollywood overdramatized the mothers of India…the over dramatic lines, the gossiping, the ultimatums…everything… but as each year passes I’m starting to realize how true to form they are.
I’ll give a couple of examples from my own life. Note, I love my mom, but sometimes I find her to be straight out of a TV serial.
So this week has been crazy for me. I’m leaving for Cuba next month and I have projects all over the place that need to be tended to. So I’ve been working late, then add in a low calorie diet cause I have lost only 1 pound of the 10 I hoped to lose, and the exercise I finally started…basically I’m pooped to say the least…
Even then I call my mom almost EVERYDAY.
So just on Wednesday, I completely forgot since I was not on my desk most of the day. I call this morning, this is how my mother greets me,
“So you finally remembered your dying mother?”
Seriously, my mother is not even close to dying! Yes she has rheumatic arthritis and she does get pains, for which she has medications, but she is NOT dying.
And also, do you know what she talks about when I call her?
I called her Tuesday and for 30 minutes she was talking about an aunty(who I’ve met twice in my life) I ran into at a party, and how sisters son was lured into a marriage by some other aunty’s-sister’s-husbands-sister’s daughter. She even went on to the details of what they fed the boy when they “lured” him into a trap by inviting him over to their house.
Now seriously, maybe its just me, but I really don’t give a shit.
My mom doesn’t work, she has hours and hours to think about nonsense such as this or which sari someone wore 3 years ago, but frankly I don’t. I get 2-3 hours of free thinking time, and I divide it up into 1)thinking about my favorite TV shows 2)what unnecessary item I really ‘need’ 3)what crazy diet I can go on next 4)my hubby and cat and before you think I’m a complete idiot, I
I try to exercise my brain by reading and analyzing literature.
Anyways, forget me having free time to actually physically do stuff, I lack time to even freely think some days, so shoot me for not wanting to hear about which aunty did what, or whose daughter looked terrible in what outfit on a regular basis. I enjoy a good gossip and criticizing session(because I am a Virgo and I am very critical) but it’s not something that I like to do every day….
It’s not just my mother too, I have seen throughout my life that other mothers do the same…
My mother in law is famous for giving death threats for not finishing food. I have aunts who can pass a gossip through 4 continents within a span of an hour as if someone having a boyfriend is on the same level news as the death of a family member.
I really wonder sometimes if being a Drama Queen is a fulltime job…and if it is, does it pay well? ‘Cause I think I may need to switch careers if that’s the case.
